


Breathe

by hughjackman



Category: MAJOR INFINITY WAR SPOILER, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Gen, Hurt Tony Stark, Infinity War (Marvel Comics), Infinity War broke my heart, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has a Family, Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Protective Tony Stark, Teen Peter Parker, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, You're Welcome, writing this broke it even more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 03:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14661945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hughjackman/pseuds/hughjackman
Summary: Tony tells May what happened on Titan.





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR.
> 
> Okay. Somebody tell me why I put myself through the pain of writing this?

He didn’t know how, but he’d done it.

Tony had gotten FRIDAY back online.

It’d taken a lot of work, but he’d done it.

“Boss?”

Tony breathed. Just the sound of someone else, even if it was only an AI, made him relax just that bit.

“H-hey, FRI. How’re things?”

“I think I should be asking you that.”

He released a breathy laugh, sitting down and bringing his knees up to his chest, hugging them tight. He tried not to glance down at the ashes which still lay by his side. He hadn’t moved. He _couldn’t_ move. He’d sworn to stay by his side always.

“I, uh, I could be better. Yeah. Um, I need you to do something for me.”

“That’s what I’m here for, Boss.”

Tony nodded, hesitating for just a moment. Every second, he felt his heart beat increase.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

He could still remember times Peter had wandered into his room after a nightmare, climbing into bed with him and curling up against his side. He could still remember falling asleep to the _thump, thump, thump_ of the kid’s heart. He was never going to hear that again.

“Boss?”

Tony blinked. “Yeah. Uh- ring, um… ring May f-for me?”

“May Parker, Sir?”

“Please.”

“Ringing May Parker.”

He looked up as the familiar beep of the phone ringing echoed around him. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he shouldn’t.

_I can’t do this._

_I can’t-_

_-yes, I can._

_For Peter._

_For May._

_She deserves this._

The man felt himself begin to shake - from the cold or just from his nerves, he didn’t know - and he wrapped his arms tighter around his legs. What was he going to say?

_“Tony?”_

And there it was. The voice of the woman he was about to let down. The voice of the woman he felt he had betrayed. The voice of the woman he had failed.

_“Tony? Is Peter there? Is he with you?”_

The man hid his face in his hands, ashamed of the tears which were slowly falling from his dark eyes. He squeezed them shut and took a deep breath.

“Hi, May,” he said, voice cracking.

_“Hey, are you alright? Is Peter? What the hell is going on, Tony?”_

“Are you at home?” he asked. His voice was quiet, a mere whisper in the enveloping darkness of the empty planet around him, but it was loud enough for May to hear.

 _“Just got back, yeah. I was out shopping, but then people just- they started disappearing, Tony! I- what is_ happening?”

What was he supposed to say? ‘ _It’s going to be okay_ ’? ‘ _Don’t worry, Peter’s safe_ ’?

No.

He had to tell her the truth.

“I’m, uh- I’m not entirely sure at the moment, May. I’m working on it, okay?”

It was silent for a moment.

_“Tony… are you alright?”_

The truth, Tony.

“No.”

_“Where are you?”_

“In space.”

 _“Space? Like,_ space _, space?”_

“Yeah, I’m on a planet… Titan… you won’t know where that is… home to some big purple douche-bag who may or may not have just wiped out half the universe.”

It was silent for a moment, and Tony worried he’d lost the connection. _“Is there anyone with you?”_

Here goes.

“No.”

Silence.

_“Not even Peter?”_

“He, um- he’s here. He’s next to me. I haven’t l-left him, May, don’t worry. But he… he’s not _here_ , here. He’s- he’s, um…”

More silence.

_“Was it quick? Just like everyone else?”_

Tony knew it hadn’t been quick. ‘ _Mr Stark, I don’t feel good_ ’… his spider senses had figured something was wrong before it had even happened. But it _had_ been painless. He _hoped_ it had been painless. Maybe that was just him trying to make himself feel better.

The truth? Not this time.

“Yes.”

May didn’t say anything for a while, and neither did Tony. The man heard her sniffle a few times, and when she next spoke, her voice was so _pained_ it made his heart clench and his tears start all over again.

_“He- he’s gone?”_

Tony’s body shook as he wracked with heaving sobs. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Like he was drowning in the sudden onslaught of emotion he felt.

Anger.

Grief.

Sadness.

Loss.

 _Love_.

Everything he’d been trying so hard _not_ to feel was attacking him, and he didn’t know what to do. He was rocking himself, willing Peter to come back, grabbing fistfuls of his hair… “He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone-” he whispered to himself, voice breaking.

_“Tony…”_

He’s gone.

_“Tony.”_

He’s gone.

_“Tony, please-”_

He’s gone.

_“Listen to me, Tony, please. Please.”_

“I’m _sorry_ , May,” he said, still rocking and rocking and rocking. “I’m so sorry. I should have looked after him more. I’m so sorry. I’ve failed you both. It’s my fault. I should have- I should’ve done better… should’ve protected him… I- I’m _sorry_.”

 _“Tony, stop it.”_   May’s voice was soft… calming, despite clearly being in tears. _“You need to calm down._ Breathe _, Tony, breathe. I know you’re scared, I know you’re by yourself, but_ please _. Breathe. Breathe for me, Tony. Breathe for_ Peter _. Come on.”_

Breathe for Peter. Breathe for Peter. Breathe for Peter.

He stopped rocking and loosened his hold on his hair, sitting up straight slowly and trying to calm his breathing. He desperately sucked in gulps of air, closing his eyes and calming his racing heart.

_“That- that’s it, Tony. Keep breathing. Well done.”_

One breath.

Two breaths.

Three breaths.

It was quiet after that, neither one speaking. Tony was focused on breathing, and he guessed May was attempting to stifle her cries so the man wouldn’t hear her. He took a deep breath, not bothering to reach up and wipe away the tears which were blurring his vision. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

Silence.

“I told him to go home, but he didn’t listen. I should’ve- I should’ve checked. I should’ve taken him home myself. May, I-”

_“Tony. It’s not your fault.”_

Tony paused.

_“The same would have happened had he been on earth. Don’t blame yourself. He- he wouldn’t want that.”_

“But he’s gone, and-”

 _“-and nothing you could’ve done would have changed that. It’s not your fault, Tony. I promise, it is_ not _your fault.”_

Of course it was. “You must hate me.”

He heard a watery laugh on the other end of the line. _“Tony, I don’t hate you. I never have and I don’t believe I ever will. Listen, I need to say… just… thank you, okay? These past few years you’ve been there for Peter when he needed you most, and I’ll never be able to express how grateful I am for that. You’ve taught him so much. He loves you- he… he loved you. More than he could say. You gave him a father, Tony, I need you to see that. Don’t blame yourself. It won’t do either of us any good. Peter… he died with you, okay? He died by your side, and I_ know _that’s the way he’d want to go. With you. His dad. It’s. Not. Your. Fault.”_

He didn’t know what to say. The past few hours since Peter had gone, he’s been sat here, by his ashes, working on the suit with trembling hands. He knew he might not ever get off the planet, but he could not die knowing that May didn’t know. That he’d been too _scared_ to tell her.

And so he’d told her.

And she had said something to him. Something he didn’t know he’d needed to hear.

_It’s not your fault._

“It’s not my fault?” he asked, voice hoarse, and he heard May choke back a sob on the other end.

_“No, Tony, it’s not your fault. Please don’t ever think that it is.”_

He sniffed. “I’ll try.”

_“That’s all I’m asking.”_

Nobody spoke for a while.

_"Tony… can you- could you bring him home? Somehow?”_

Tony glanced down beside him. The blackness of Peter’s ashes clearly stood out against the brown of the dusty floor, and he felt his heart skip a beat as he remembered that they had once been Peter. He looked up, shutting his eyes before he panicked again.

“Yes. Yes, yes, of course. Yes.”

_“Thank you.”_

“May, I-”

 _“It’s_ okay _, Tony. I’m fine. Just… bring our boy home.”_

“Okay. Alright. I will. I’ll, um- I’ll see you soon.”

_“Yeah. Be safe, Tony. I don’t want to lose you too.”_

There was a beeping as May hung up, and Tony sighed, placing his head in his hands.

“Are you alright, Boss?”

He nodded, though FRIDAY couldn’t see him, and quickly dragged a hand across his face to dry his tears before shakily standing to his feet. “Yep, yeah. Fine. Perfectly fine, FRI. Thanks.”

“Your vitals suggest otherwise. I think you should-”

“I’m _fine_ , FRIDAY. Seriously, just…” _Breathe_ , Tony. Breathe. “Do we have enough power to get us off this planet?”

“I believe so, Sir, yes.”

Thank _God_. Tony quickly stepped out of his suit and shrugged off his jacket, shivering at the coldness of the air as it hit his skin. Once back in, he made his way over to Peter and scooped up as much of him as he could, gently placing them on the jacket and making some sort of bag with it. He hoped they would last the journey.

Turning, he briefly wondered about the others; they didn’t deserve to stay here by themselves. It wasn’t fair.

But he had nothing to carry them in.

“FRI, could you mark this place? I’ll need to be able to come back up here.”

“You want to come back to Titan, Boss?”

“No, I don’t, but I’m not leaving these guys alone. They deserve more than that. Mark it for me?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.”

Tony was nervous. About going back to earth, about seeing May, about giving her Peter’s ashes, about possibly meeting Steve again…

But, for some reason, as his mask came down over his face, hiding the redness of his eyes and the tears which stained his cheeks, he felt somewhat calmer with the bag in his hands. Like Peter was actually there with him. Letting him know he was okay.

He took a deep breath and looked up. He wondered if Peter was there somewhere, reliving memories of the times the both of them had sat on the roof and watched the stars.

“Are you ready, Sir?”

Are you ready, Peter?

“Take us home, FRI.”


End file.
